Haircut, More EFT, More Wanking (sorry), Life.

8th July 2012

My enthusiasm for 'tapping' (EFT) means I shall be subject you to my very own inventions. Hee hee! This one is for anxiety, I hope it's useful for one or two of you. 

Me n my Mum: she is so cute (stop looking at her  breasts!).

Today's been quite lovely. Went for a drive with Handsome Rob (he doesn't really like to be called that) as he had to get some stuff from his property near Matakana. I can't help but call him Handsome Rob. Not my fault that he's all handsome. Modest too. A modest Leo, who'd have thought?

Yesterday I saw mum, and on Friday night The Painter (should I start calling him David again?) came over and we watched Crumb. I can't stop thinking about Robert Crumb. His life and family were truly fascinating. I was pleased because David showed me how to use the manual setting on my camera. I will be sharing my experiments here! Aren't you excited?

Had a haircut. Don't worry, I won't maintain this level of control.

Was a bit depressed yesterday. Blamed being pre-menstrual, but it's more likely that I'm horribly frustrated. I really do not like going without good quality sex. Let's be clear about the good quality. No point fucking someone if they're horrid or crap in the sack. I've thought about it, because that guy Simon (who I haven't had sex with since December 2011) would suffice in terms of physical satisfaction, and he's quite awful, so I have no fantasies about him as someone I'd want to actually BE with. Not anymore. But I can't even go there for shallow fun times ... because ... I have increased in self respect (damnit!). He even sent me a text last week saying 'hello yummy honey bunny' and I nearly vomited. I texted back 'have you been drinking?'. 

So yeah, bloody self respect! I wonder what I'd be like if I were a man? I used to think about it a lot in my 20's. As a man I suppose I'd be even hornier, and I do wonder if that might have made me less ... kind. 

Bookish Me, doing a creepy move.
Yes folks, found a hairdresser who gave a shit and knew what she was doing. Her name is Samie, she works at Rodney Wayne in the New Lynn Mall. I love New Lynn Mall. I don't know why. I just do. Samie actually listened and when she cut my hair, I could feel care travel into me. I know that sounds a bit over the top, but I AM over the top. The top of what? Well, we can talk about that another time.

You know that myth about men thinking of sex every three seconds? Well it's a myth isn't it? You wouldn't get anything done if you were getting a semi all the time. I think of sex or something sexual at least 15 times a day. I don't even think my sex drive is very high either. When in a loving relationship I'm not demanding it everyday. That ex friend, The Fish, she was really sexually compulsive. She told me she wanked in her work loos every day (this was about 10 years ago).Wow. I've only done that a handful (no pun intended) of times and felt really scared of being caught. When I was 26, I lived in this excellent flat, number 4 Sussex Street in Grey Lynn. It was (in my mind) a LEGENDARY time. Oh my god. The people. The parties. The mental. We had one party that was fucking crazy. I aimed to kiss a lot of people, and I did. I even gave a sympathy kiss to a girl who confessed that she felt ugly and thought I was so sexy. I thought 'ah well then, what does it matter' and pushed her against the wall and gave her a good passionate kiss. She was all overcome and turned on, but that was my charity work done. Where was the next drink, the next kiss? It was a superhero theme, and so I'd done my best to look like The Red Sonja. The Fish was dressed in silver. I don't know what she was supposed to be. She approached Rose, who was dressed as Death from the Sandman comics. This other girl, who we'll call Boasty Face, was also lurking around. Boasty Face was a girl who had been very cool, but as time had gone on, she'd become more boasty and competitive and it was a real turn off. I'd once been enjoying this kiss with someone, and she came up and ... joined in. She kissed like a lizard.

So, where was I? Oh yes, The Fish sidled up to Rose and started to kiss her. Then Boasty Face crept up to them and tried to join in. I was so glad I wasn't in there. Rose later told me that The Fish wasn't a good kisser, that her tongue was actually COLD, and that she sort of poked it in and out like a surrogate cock.  Later, The Fish told me that Rose was an amazing kisser, but that they'd stopped kissing so that they didn't have to include Boasty Face. I never kissed The Fish, for even though I loved her greatly as a friend, she struck me as stilted and mechanical, tightly wound. She danced the way I imagined she fucked; hard, fast, jerky; without any subtlety, grace or attention to detail. 

So yeah, back then, when I drank too much and had a healthy bi-curious streak, I used to always think 'if I were a man ..' and it was always stuff like 'my personality would be more acceptable'. But probably not. That party ended with the toilet door being ripped off. I felt asleep on the toilet. I woke up and my friends were helping me off it. I went to bed and The Fish was sucking some guy in my room. I waited a bit and went in, and then she got upset because he wanted to kiss me. Fuck that, I wanted to sleep. Ah, the 90's.

It's so cold right now. I have the dehumidifier on, and the heater. It must be less than 5 degrees. 

                                                                 So, MY HAIRCUT.

pillow scar is visible (from sleeping on my face diligently)

She straightened it for me, something I'll probably never do with the degree of skill she displayed. It's fun having a different head of hair though. I have my own ideas about hair and control. I like to play with my appearance, always have. I remember this guy saying to me (in my last year of my Communication Studies degree) "you know why people don't get you?" and I'm all "ugh, no, why?" and he said "it's because you dress differently every day and no one can work you out."

Whaaaa?

Yeah. I might have mentioned this incident before, but it still amazes me. If you have your hair up, are wearing glasses and no makeup, someone will not recognise you later the same day with your hair down, contacts in and a bit of lippy. We recognise a disguise. How funny is that? So, who am I? Can you tell? Pick the Real Me. It's all invented isn't it? May as well enjoy it.

fragile thingie

hey ho, time for a wank, but first, enjoy my new found manual skill ... playing with light.

Ponderous Me

Ponderous Leaf.

God bless your little cotton socks, your fleshy bum hole, and all that.