13th
June 2012
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| Good morning! Looking a bit sleepy on it. |
On Sunday morning
I was feeling heavy. There’s something wrong with my left shoulder, and I had
no desire to do anything useful. I knew I needed to shift my state, so I did
this little exercise called ‘clearing off your mental desk’. It was simple:
1)
Take 15
minutes to write down everything that’s in your head right now
2)
Put a tick
next to the things you can’t control and a star next to the things you can
3)
Write down
the things you can control on another list
What
surprised me was that as I wrote down all the crap floating around in my head
was this sudden unlocking of my pain and anxiety. I cried and cried, but that
was quickly followed by calm. I wrote down that I wanted help, but I didn’t
reach out to anyone for help (something I was basically telling a friend off
for recently). The kind of help I want is in small things I think; the
conversation that helps you see things in a different light, or someone
actually doing the dishes after you’ve made them a meal (as it might take me
two days to get them done myself).
Whatever the
case, after I’d had my wee sobbing session I realised I was okay.
Oh, and tonight I reached down to pick up a pen on the floor and completely fell (along with my chair) and landed heavily on my left side thus increasing pain levels to a 7 out of 10. No, I'm not drunk.
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| Exhibition Drive, Titirangi. 16 minute walk from my place. |
Completed Time with The Sexy Ex,
and that’s okay.
“But,” you
ask “he’s your ex … so wasn’t it already complete?”
Well yes and
no. If you’re still having hot sex with the ex on a regular basis, it’s not
entirely completed is it? No matter what you say, if that person still keeps
saying he loves you and comes around to fuck your brains out, it isn’t exactly
the kind of Ex most people are referring to. Whatever the case, it has been
good, and I don’t regret it at all.
I took
‘complete’ from something Lisa Nichols
said on a Youtube clip about relationships. I really liked it. To say that
something has been completed rather than broken, that no matter what’s happened
it’s been a learning experience (obviously). It’s amazing how very simple
things can feel like such revelations. To say our time with someone is complete
makes it sound like some kind of assignment or creation that’s finished, but in
a way that’s quite satisfying. Dust off the vibrator. Cuddle the cat. Do not
use the vibrator whilst cuddling the cat; that would be wrong.
My ADHD
UPDATE:
The week is
going so fast. I’ve had some excellent conversations with a friend about ADHD
and she found a site with dietary information: http://www.livestrong.com/article/292238-foods-for-dopamine-norepinephrine-serotonin/.
Okay, so it
stands to reason that if you have ADHD (or any kind of ‘misfiring’ of the
neurotransmitters in the brain) then you might want to take a look at what you’re
eating.
Foods that help increase the functioning of one’s
neurotransmitters (specifically
dopamine, epinephrine and serotonin)
might be worth getting into the gullet.
For Serotonin:
Proteins such as cheese, eggs, meat and
plant sources like seeds and whole grains.
For Dopamine and Epinephrine:
Dopamine (which is why dope is
called dope) is of course linked to pleasure and reward, epinephrine is linked
with focus and response to stress.
Evidently it’s
the amino acid tyrosine that really gets the old d and e going, and that my
dears, is contained in almonds,
avocados, beans, pumpkin and mustard seeds.
Hey, you
know how Jesus said that if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could
move mountains? Well maybe he meant we should eat more mustard seeds and then
we’d be able to focus and get some shit done, but someone misquoted him?
Fark, it’s
so, so cold! I went for a walk this morning and took a few photos along the
way; so beautiful, the pictures only catch a fraction of the beauty.
There was
ice on my windscreen when I got into the car, and I was grateful that I had my
gloves on.
Brrr, going
out to see an exhibition with Handsome Rob tomorrow, but if that feels too much
like hard work we could always go and see a movie. It’s so cool to have a good platonic male
friendship back. It’s been a long time. We used to just get so drunk all the
time, now we make decisions to go out and not drink at all. Ahh, maturity,
gotta love it.
Keep moving
towards what you like, and do what feels good (unless you’re of the Hitler persuasion).
Notice what makes you laugh. Do things that promote joy – you need to
strengthen those pathways in the brain. It’s not waffle-piffle-fluffel- bummel. It’s
science.
Make a list.
Here are a few things that give me pleasure at the moment:
1)I love it
when I hear people say things like ‘advocado’ instead of ‘avocado’.
2) I LOVE
the advertisements on BFM. They even had one that made fun of people who
say they LOVE the advertisements on BFM (student radio in Auckland, NZ). Right
now they have one for some music festival in Australia, and the sting you have
to listen out for to win prizes is ‘wankermaloo!’
in a horrible Aussie twang. It never fails to make me laugh in the car on the
way to wherever it is that I’m going.
3) Online Scrabble. I am a new player but
I am already intimidating those marginally less capable than I. People who
speak English as a second language usually.
4) Nature. Yes, I’m a goddamn hippy
really. I love the trees, the birds, the dark brown worms, the mist on the
water.
5) Food. Fuck me duck me, I do think the Ritalin
has increased my pleasure in the consuming of food. I don’t mean I need to eat
a lot, but when I do, I feel like I almost want to rub it all over my face (but
I don’t).
6) Outings: I’m goin’ out to exhibitions,
birthdays, galleries, gigs … and for some reason these things keep being within
ability to do on very little money. Okay, it helps when friends are kind and
buy you a drink or a coffee.
7) Making food for others. Okay, I like
food when I’m on my own, but I also really enjoy making simple but yummy things
for a beloved guest. Hey, I can’t believe it, but I did see something on Jamie
Oliver’s show (when visiting mum) that I liked. Sweet roasted peppers (from the
jar) stuffed with a cheese that melts, then fried in olive oil. OOOHHHHH
yeahhhh.
8) Telepathy: Okay, this does work best
with the cat. Look into her eyes and say ‘I love you’ and then notice she
starts to purr almost immediately.
9) Talking to Angels or Whatever: I talk
out loud, in the car, (turn down the radio for a few minutes) as if to a good
friend. Then I wait and see if any good ideas come up. They always do.
10) My hypnotherapy CD’s: I swear this
stuff gets better every time I listen. No, I’m not wanking to it all the time,
I usually have it on as I fall asleep and it gives me an enormous sense of well
being.
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| That sucky towel! That's been around for way too long. I think it's older than me. |
What’s the
point? Well, maybe there isn’t one. How freeing! Isn't that permission to create, invent, relax and love? Yes. It is.
