Photo: another of the new year selection. But let's not think about that joyful time, let's talk about what men call themselves on internet dating!
Yes, this is what it has currently come to. I am now compiling a list of the 'nick names' that I find most annoying. Ok, I'm not saying my own internet nick name is brilliant. It's not, and no, I'm not telling you what it is. But it's not Sunny or Fun Times or Smiley Girl 70, so you can rest easy.
This may well be an on-going hobby. So here are the ones I looked at today that really caught my eye, and for all the wrong reasons. Attempting to list from least annoying to most offensive or irritating. I'm going to be mean ok? These are not men who approached me, they're just a sample of the names you can snigger at if you have a bit of time to kill.
Heywotsup: Wots up is this: you're a bit boring.
Nick Breaker: Ok Nick, we get it. Sounds like 'neck breaker', and that, obviously, is what we gals are looking for. Someone to snap our necks like a twig. I can't fucking wait.
live2themaximum: are you twelve? Are you like, totally rad, living life to the max? Just annoying.
WhatIF??? : Ok, there's nothing wrong with what if? But the way this is written, it looks like you're try to say whatIFUCK. Maybe that's the secret message. Maybe I just have a filthy mind. Dunno. But you're holding a fish up to your face and smiling, so maybe I'm just incredibly insightful. The fish represents all the pussy you'd like to be getting. You don't mind if it's fishy, that's ok. So you're working the ladies with a subliminal message WhatIFUCK is fish. Good one.
badboymatty73: Am I supposed to tame you? Will you cheat on me and spend all my grocery money on your latest fix? Ooh you sound sooooooooo bad and exciting, cos you're appealing to women who 'like bad boys'. Dick.
A-Positive: This is a bit too blood orientated. Immediately makes me think of H.I.V. which makes me feel a bit sad. You sadden me A-Positive, and this is no way into my heart. Not at first anyway.
cheeseman69: ok, so he likes cheese, or is it something sinister, like the state of his genitals? Coupling 'cheese' and '69' in the same breath isn't a good idea.
SINGLE4EVER: Well ok then. Is it meant to be a challenge? Are you playing hard to get? Not working. You sound like a frightened little boy wetting his pants. Oh no photo. Wait. Sorry, you are probably very ugly and will actually be single forever. Now you've bummed me out.
completeasshole: this is the name a really clean cut douche bag gave himself. Once again, he thinks he'll get the edge by being so, so funny! What he doesn't realise is that often people reveal the greatest truths in jest. As my mum always says "if someone tells you they're an asshole, believe them."
gspotty: this is today's winner
Gee gspotty, even though you're at least fifty, I'm impressed that you finally know where the g-spot is and so cleverly incorporated it into your nick name. You're such a fun guy! I'd love to COME all the way to Hawke's bay to meet you and see that you've no doubt listed your age and height with a few minor adjustments.
Yes, so you see, many minutes of free amusement can be had just looking at what people call themselves. I suppose I could start calling myself douchebagfun! and I'd get an amazing response. But I'll hold off for now.
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