Holy shit, I'm completely stuffed. What an amazing weekend. Needed it too. Though I am through the worst of the depression attack, it's sort of like recovering from a crappy flu or something ... you still have patches that don't feel good and need to make sure you're really looking after yourself.
Don't revisit old wounds with a rusty knife (but if you must, forgive yourself immediately), connect with those who are able to truly be kind to you. Sit and just look at how the light is falling. Think about how a word feels in your mouth. Or a strawberry dipped in yoghurt.
Be romantic with yourself and your friends. I 'romanced' Tieneke today with a few little gifts because I adore her and want her to know she is greatly loved just as she is, and we never know how long we've got on this funny little planet. That's why I'm over the top, too sensitive, full - on and balls out. Because I know. This life is limited time only. I do take risks and get hurt. Sometimes I wish I didn't. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to live more like 'Wylie' or The Painter; finding ways to shut down or hide. I guess it's a way to be safe. I get it. I want to be safe too, but not at the expense of authenticity. Ah, who am I to judge? One man's safe is another man's lie. One woman's boredom is another's dream come true.
Went dancing on Friday with T and a few of her friends, invited Peter (aka Bob) and we all had a really good night. T looked hot yet sophisticated in her red silky dress and beautiful glossy hair, whereas I managed the sort of cute end of the spectrum in a short white summer skirt, green racer back singlet and flat black boots.
Indulged in a few splashes of tequila which was very pleasant indeed (suits me I think), and yet made sure I was in good condition to drive home by almost 4am.
When we got we home, we finished some wine I had in the ole fridge and danced in the kitchen for at least another half hour ( it was hip hop, and yes, I kind of liked it.Wonders shall never cease). I think it was about 5am by this time. Goodness me, late for a Nanna such as myself.
The next day was also great, ended up having a swim at this beach I hadn't been to for more than ten years. Didn't stay for too long as I didn't take warm enough clothing for after the swim, but it felt good to have salt water on the skin, fine company, easy conversation, a feeling of general well-being.
I think I've gone and pulled something in my shoulder (again, argh!) and so I'm back into Bikram Yoga over the next month as it's brilliant for sorting out pain. T is into it, so we can be Birkram Bitches together. Looking forward to sweating it out (not much choice in that ).
I was also telling her about how Peter goes running through the bush and we're quite inspired by that. Beats pounding a pavement (which I've tried, but it's not really me). My fitness levels wouldn't be up to scratch, but T's probably are. She could be a forest gazelle.
I think a lot of people have had a hard time of late, but here's my prediction: most of it is untangling over the next few weeks. I'm feeling so good about the friends I've got, and new friendships that are forming. T went out again last night with her brother, and she ended up making a new friend. Yay!
Today I caught up with Andrew as he's off to France on Thursday! We had coffee in Ponsonby, and he's having a pot luck at his place on Tuesday.
Peter and I have talked about doing some cool missions over summer, and looking forward to welcoming Claire Bear back home very soon!
Oh, and be proud of me darlings ... I decided not to 'catch up' with Wylie on Saturday. Life is incredibly precious and if someone isn't able to respect you, then it's time to feel a little sorry for 'em and move on.
If the people in your life are a mirror of your subconscious beliefs, then I daresay, I'm starting to look pretty good. ;)
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