The Man With Eyes to Keep Me.

Hey.
You know that date I told you about quite some weeks ago? It's going well enough  to render me almost private. I know. Who'd have thought it was possible? 

I've been really busy completing my certification as a Clinical Hypnotherapist which has been absolutely fantastic. I have learned such a lot and enjoyed meeting amazing people from around New Zealand who were also on the course. One of the main things I did with self hypnosis was to create various recordings for myself on topics varying from increasing my ability to tidy up to attracting a kind, sexy, funny and intelligent boyfriend. Done and done.

My 'money hypnosis' has also worked, but the job I've recently been offered clashes with my English classes for SHAKTI clients (domestic abuse surviviors). The job I'm turning down could have been ideal, and I know what I'm doing doesn't make sense financially, but if I walk away from the commitment to these women then it may have other repercussions I can't currently forsee. I'd rather make ends meet a bit longer than let people down. 

I also feel confident that the work I'm doing is valuable in a way that surpasses the dollar.

And so there it is for now. I'm so tired. Had an amazing weekend with my lovely new man. The man with eyes to keep me. 

xxx

Love, Friendship and Boundaries! Oh, and a good date!

Greetings dear ones!

I've been thinking about boundaries a lot lately. In fact, ever since I made it clear to 'Wylie' that I would not be seeing him again, I've been getting better and better at it. Now, who on earth is Wylie? He's that guy I fell for just before I went to Korea (end of 2009). He's the emotionally disabled one who I insisted had great qualities (lust  is blind). It took a long time to admit he was unkind and sporting the emotional IQ of a 13 year old boy. It's amazing what you'll tell yourself when you love someone and they don't love you. 

Then in recent months, I stopped sleeping with Andrew, (the sexy ex) and have also succeeded in creating a genuine platonic friendship with The Painter. Many a friend marveled that I am friends with The Painter after what happened last year. They feared I would want him again. I still felt attracted to him, but I've been attracted to friends before and it doesn't have to be a big deal. I also kept using self hypnosis to focus on what I do want from a man - kindness, commitment and laughter.

When The Painter told me that Miss Monday (the girl he went straight onto after me last year) had read this blog (quite recently) I got a bit worried. I thought 'oh god, did I say anything really horrible?' and scrolled through to check that I hadn't wished venereal disease on them both and forgotten to edit it out at a later sanity imbued date. Of course, if you read back over those entries, the ones where the depression was really intense, I don't ever sound as fucked up as I actually was. How would that have helped anyone? Instead I made a decision to get well quickly. 

The Painter is being forced to transform. It's not a comfortable process, but juggling women isn't easy. They do inconvenient things like think, cry and believe what you say, and that gets pretty slippery. 

Obviously people do show us who they are quite quickly. There is normally an indicator, a clue, and yet often I have chosen to overlook it. I acknowledged that last year during the 'dating game', so of course, this is a transformation on both sides. Or all three sides. Or four. Or something.

I'd like to meet Miss Monday one day. When the time is right. I think we'd get on quite well. Perhaps I could take her to Old Nude Night at the hotpools and we could sip a G & T as we stand  in the hot water, leaning on the side of the pool. 

And now, for some rather nice news ... I went on a very good date last week. We ate Thai food, talked endlessly, broke all the first date rules on topics of conversation and walked down Ponsonby Rd holding hands.

The thing about this man is that he’s really self aware. He says things and I feel like writing them down. He doesn't hold back compliments as if they were gifts he could ill afford; he told me I was beautiful within minutes of meeting me.  He has such a good face, and he’s very funny. I’m really enjoying getting to know him. He seems like a composite of likable people I've known throughout my entire life. I'm seeing him again tomorrow and we've had lots of long phone conversations. He rang me the day after our first date ...

"Hi," I said

"You didn't do that thing, the make-her-wait-for-1-to-3-days before calling thing."

He laughed.

"What, that thing where you make someone wait so that they can stew in all their insecurities and fears wondering if what they felt when they met you was actually real?"

"Yeah, that!"

"Nah, I'm not into that".

And so tomorrow, may the sun shine, and if it's to be, then it so it will be. 

"It actually is all about me. In your dreams you see me as that person who comes to the party and charms you, then walks away." - Toscat.