The above date says Thursday, but that's just when I uploaded the video of D.O.E. Today is in fact Monday the 12th of December. Welcome.Photo to left: A breakfast I Enjoyed ... all grilled with too much olive oil ... mmm!
Mushrooms with blue cheese, tomatoes with cumin and salt mined from Himalayan mountains and therefore ruining the environment (thanks Peter, I love guilt, it tastes delicious), avocado with lemon, eggplant, pineapple (tinned) and of course, pepper.
Christmas approaches ... my current obsession with 'Department of Eagles' continues. Mum said they sounded 'Beatalistic', a sentiment also shared by Peter and Cornelius.
Andrew is in France with his family on a month's holiday, I am so happy for him. It makes my heart go all ocean-like to think of him enjoying this adventure. There was a pot-luck dinner at his flat last Tuesday with his really lovely flatmates, friends and a good feed. I took tomatoes cut in half, grilled with olive oil, cumin, sexy salt and blue cheese, as well as some roughly mixed avocado (couldn't really pass as a smooth guacamole).
We've finally finished being lovers I think, and though the form changes, the love itself is deep, sincere and able to withstand this shift. It's friendship on a whole different level really. Is that what unconditional love is?
Night Walking:
On Friday Peter suggested going to the beach and then for a night time walk in the bush, one he's taken Claire on before. Walking in fading light out in the Waitakeres was really beautiful, and as the darkness intensified we were able to see the alien light of glow worms. We stopped to have a few drinks near a picnic and bbq area and I turned my head in time to see a little owl, a Morepork, alight on a fence to observe us for a second. We talked about all sorts of good shit, and it felt good to have an excellent platonic male friend again. Haven't had that for ages. Back in my 20's I always had good male friends, but as they paired up and reproduced, things changed. Obviously. They're not going to climb up the fire escape of your flat at 3am and ask if you want to go to Mt Eden to get stoned. They now have 2.5 children and a mortgage to pay, or have descended into an excess of drugs and alcohol from which they may never return.
The walk was far longer than I expected it to be, but the smudgy darkness also throws off perceptions of time. We ended up at the bottom of the dam, the sheer wall rising before us, Peter cheerfully indicating the stairs. He bounded up them and I followed behind at a gentler pace. The moon came out to say hello. I dragged my feet on the way back and realised I might accidentally get fit if I continue to do missions with Peter.
Brunch with Corn
On Saturday I took Cornelius out for brunch. We saw a really cool dog on Ponsonby Rd. It had a barrel-like body from which rather spindly, long legs trotted along. It was white, and it's cartoony dog-face was smiling, looking around as if to say "me, me, I'm so glad to be me!".
The owner saw me and Corn looking at pointing at the dog and he smiled proudly.
"That's not the next dog you expected to see" said Corn thoughtfully.
I laughed in excess, for some reason that really did it for me. Because what is the next dog you expected to see? A Labrador?
It was cool to hang out with Corn. We have known each other since I was 21, and flatted together for more than three years from when I was 22. It isn't one of those close, intense friendships, but it's one that feels very comfortable when you're with that person. It seems as if there's not a skerrick (a word he'd like) of artifice. You know who you are, they know, and you both know that you know. It's comforting. We can sit and not talk while having coffee, or we can sit and say something inane, and it's fine either way.
The Man ...
On Sunday morning I had breakfast with The Man. The Man was one of my internet dates from ages ago, but we've both been busy and making time to catch up has proven challenging. He's a lovely man. Very masculine, but intelligent. Oh, I make it sound as if masculinity immediately cancels out intellect, ha ha! I don't mean that, but I guess what I do mean is that he isn't an "Intellectual". Perhaps being intellectual is a bit over-rated anyway. What's the point of brains without balls? Mind you, all balls and no brains isn't exactly a turn on either (thinking of Simon, aka Wylie!). God, can you believe I was so in love with him? He was intelligent in that Structural Engineering way, but not in a way that took art or interesting books into account.
Bikram Yoga
So yesterday T and I watched 'In Time' which was a nice bit of entertainment (and soooo symbolic, ha ha!). The outfits were also good, though I do wish people would stop wearing long leather trench coats in movies. Come on, it's over, the Matrix got there first.
We then went to Ponsonby for Bikram Yoga. Fuck. It was really hard yesterday. All this emotion rose up for me, and I felt quite sick. I had to ly down and keep breathing through my nose ... in, out, in, out. I was overwhelmed by a deep, nameless sorrow.
Fortunately I decided this was a fleeting emotion, that it was passing, and then I thought about how loved I am by friends. I thought of Andrew looking at me and saying "I will love you forever", and I calmed down. Peace came. I kept moving, stretching, sweating.
Here's something I like by Byron Katie:
I define “sanity” as a mind that is completely at peace, and “mental illness” as a mind that is suffering from any kind of stress. Stress is optional. Suffering is optional. This is the most amazing piece of good news that ever came my way, and it found me when I was in the depths of despair. I discovered that when I believed my stressful thoughts about myself, about others, and about life, I suffered, I was truly insane. And when I questioned my stressful thoughts, I didn’t suffer. And I have come to see that this is true for every human being. That doesn’t make it true for you; it just makes it true in my experience. Byron Katie
This is the time of year when people get stressed about money, family gatherings, expectations. Do whatever you can to stay sane this season. Find peace.
That's my present to you darlings: a little bit of sanity. Find a place to breathe, allowing what you do have to come to mind. I've spent way too much time lamenting what I don't have lately. That's just fucking crazy. So I'm smiling now. I'm thinking of my beloved friends and feeling good in my skin. Life is incredible. It's good to be.
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