Christmas day was good in it's way, but tried to cram in a bit too much, you know how it can be. It was really nice having a blended random family breakfast at Mission Bay with Tieneke, her son J, her brother, mother, father and her brother's friend. My Mum came too of course, and the breakfast was really good. I had french toast with bacon and bannana. It probably wasn't a happy pig (raised lovingly, killed quickly), but I swallowed any guilt and enjoyed the meal.
After the breakfast mum and I went back to my place, fell into a dead sort of sleep and then were awoken by Karen texting me asking when we were arriving. Karen is my Uncles' ex wife; we were invited over to have Christmas turkey with her, the kids and Rob, her funny and kind fiancee. One of Rob's sons and his girlfriend were also there, and it was really easy and enjoyable. So lovely to have a few family members who care. Hey man, it's quality, not quantity as they say. Just as well really.
Song of choice today has to be one of my favourites of all time, The Slider.
"I have never ever kissed a car before, it's like you don't." Well done Marc Bolan. He refrained from kissing or driving cars but it didn't prevent him being killed in one.
It's pouring with the kind of warm December rain one comes to expect. I went and had a long lunch with Lou and Becky in Devonport and was once more privy to this amazing easiness of connection; you'd think I might feel rather out of the loop, but I don't. We all have filthy senses of humour which helps immensely. Actually, maybe it more than helps. It's essential.
I'm continuing to date, getting lots of attention on ye olde dating site and have recently had a few hook ups with someone, but we're not comapatible really. He's not very relaxed, and I don't tick a couple of boxes on his wee list either, so that's cool.
It was still nice to enjoy a bit of affection and attention. It's funny with the 'list' thing. My list goes something like "tall, funny, relaxed, a bit odd in some way, hopefully a biggish nose, kind, silly, good taste in music, likes art ... loves swimming in the ocean with me". Carolyn Cranshaw did challenge it when I went and saw her for hypnotherapy. She had said "what if you met someone and he was perfect, but he wasn't so into swimming in the sea". I said "absolutely no deal." Funnily enough, one of my outings with the Painter was at Piha, and he didn't come into the sea with me. He sat on the beach smoking. And I didn't mind. So the list thing can be a little bit bullshit really, though it can be handy to know what you really will not tolerate. I've decided that someone being too much of a dick is off-putting. A little bit of a dick, that's fine!
Anyway, all this focus on boys, it's nutbar city. Time to calm the fuck down. Becky reckons I might need to go to Loveaholics Anonymous (ok, it's not called that, but you get the gist).
I have such gorgeous and loving friends, and on Boxing day went on what turned out to be a bit of a wine picnic with Claire, Mum and Peter. It was so lovely and relaxed. Peter had bought wine, strawberries and blueberries and we all just sat on the beach, drank and picked at the red and blue fruit. God knows what we were all talking about. We then went on to the RSA, and I was already a bit intoxicated by this time. I'd forgotten to eat enough during the day which is not like me at all.
The fish n chips at the RSA was AMAZING. GOD. Fuck. Yum.
Hey, that'd be a good name for a band "Godfuckyum". Anyhoo, the snapper was so tender and the chips utterly perfect.
The day after boxing day Peter and I went over to White Beach. He was Mr Speedy Arse and basically run over, but I always take that journey easy. I like going slowly, feeling the energy of the land and trees seeping into me as I slow down the usual chatter in my head. I wasn't offended that he went ahead though, it was fine. Went for a bracing swim and then took photos when the tide was low. We both went off into our own little worlds taking pictures.
White Beach
Holy
heavy honey bones
fleshed on land
rockpool eyes
soft inner thighs
the sea
in me
in me
in me
feel the spaces
unfathomable
a chorus of clouds overhead
CNL
As usual, I felt something shift after walking over to White Beach and back. It seems like there's something really powerful about that area. Went to the RSA again for din dins (this time a lamb buger!).
I went to Bikram Yoga yesterday (first time in four days) and it was really intense. The girl next to me fainted. I was sweating so much it looked like I'd just immersed myself in a pool. I watched my reflection. I stared into my own slightly bloodshot eyes and thought "so what are you going to do with this determination?".
Create meaning. What else is there?
Create meaning.
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