Dreamt I had a knob, but it wasn't even mine!

Do I look bored and miserable enough? Or sort of ghosty? I was going for ghosty.

Never Mind The Symbollix!, February 13th 2013.

Last night, before I went to sleep, I worked on my ‘dreams book’. It’s a reasonable quality A5 scrapbook  and I enjoy cutting out pictures from magazines and gluing them down in ways that please the eye. I carefully cut the face out of a model and positioned and glued her impassive and beautiful mask into her own hand. I did it again to another one, noticing that her face looked almost identical to the previous model’s. I could have swapped their faces and it wouldn’t have mattered.

I wondered if I was being a bit misogynist and/or merely anti-model. The only reason I cut their faces out in the first place is because they looked bored and miserable, and I wanted to think of myself in the outfits, not them. I decided I was incredibly artistic and that I could probably find a feminist justification for my actions if the need arose. The reason I mention any of this is because of what I dreamt.

The Dream:

I am standing in a cluttered room contemplating the fact that I have a penis. I’m a bit annoyed about it, because it’s not actually mine and would rather pull it off (literally) and give it back to the owner. I’m feeling a bit concerned about how to actually remove it safely. The owner of the penis is the man I've been in a relationship with. He will now be known as The Rooster. (He’s year of the rooster, so I’m not being a smart-arse here).

I know that Rooster will need his penis back sometime soon, and I have no idea how I ended up with it. I don’t feel sexual about it. I realise that if I pull on it to remove it, then I might just end up making it come. If I make it come, will I feel it or will Rooster feel it? If I make it come, will it then detach so that I can return it? As I think about this, it gets hard. I can sort of feel it, but it’s a very distant feeling. I look down and contemplate it, and it does look very nice.

Because this is a dream I am able to bend down and suck it. So I do. As I enthusiastically work away at it, I’m aware that I can’t really feel it. Does that mean Rooster can feel it? I’m wondering about this when it sort of detaches and bounces around onto the floor. I panic, I don’t want it getting all dusty, but I can’t find it. The penis is lost. I know it’s somewhere in the room so I decide not to get worried about it and to look for it later. I go to the bathroom and find that my own head (the one on my neck) is sitting on this shelf (fortunately not facing ‘me’). I feel the space above my neck and realise my head had come off somewhere along the line.

I find it quite funny, but also a good opportunity to give myself a head massage and healing session. I start massaging the back of my head, and in the dream my hair is thin, and there is a circular bloody wound in the top of the scalp. I rub it and fresh blood comes off. I cup my hands over the wound and pulsing healing energy pours out of my hands. I am at peace. The whole scalp sort of ‘boils’ with energy as I keep my hands there,  like a massive dumpling suddenly swelling and then contracting. I find my own head quite repulsive – it’s much bigger in the dream than in waking life.

That is all I can remember clearly. I told mum and she said

 “Did you have balls?” when I told her about the penis part of the dream.

“No …. I had a cock and no balls ….” 

I was glad that mum asked that.

This makes me want to look again at Jungian dream analysis again (which I haven’t done seriously since 1999). If I am everything in the dream, that all ‘parts played’ are me, then it might mean I am finally integrating ‘male energy’?  I could interpret in a number of ways.

…. clients in Jungian psychotherapy work with dreams by the method that Jung calls "active imagination." This is not an interpretative method but an experiential method. Active imagination is a conversation with the dream images. Clients actively engage the dream images in a dialogue. http://www.jungiantherapy.com/dreamwork.shtml

So if I take myself into a relaxed state I could converse with the dream images. Would I talk to the Penis? Would I find out that it was about power or pleasure … or both? What about my own detached head? Don’t you think it’s funny that there are two kinds of ‘head’ that have been ‘removed’? This is so ripe for puns that it certainly makes one's head spin, or detach, or climax.

Even without my own head, I could still see and ‘think’. Perhaps losing one’s head isn’t such a bad thing? Losing my mind. Lost my head. Such expressions usually indicate the loss of sanity or temper. If you lost your sanity, where would it go? Perhaps losing one’s head could take on a new meaning. Losing the need for control, for wanting life to go according to the ‘script’.

There’s the chance to surrender into a place of peace and to let go of ego once more.

Nature does that to me. I find a calm centre, a sight and thought beyond the usual noise.

In the meantime kids, wish me luck as I allow my own ‘spiritual balls’ to mature and grow. Balls. Consider them and how they don’t just mean fertility in our culture; they are a symbol for courage, power, and sometimes pushing it too far.

“Wow, he’s got balls” people will say of some man strutting around full of confidence, treating people however he likes.

A confident woman … well what is she? A woman who asks for what she wants, who expresses herself? When it comes to body parts, she can be a cunt, but as we all know, that’s not exactly flattering. Should my eggs be my ‘balls’?

“Wow,” people could say, “she’s got big eggs”. Ha, you could do ZZ Top's 'legs' but replace it with 'eggs'. She's got e-eggs, she knows how to use em.

Literal fertility wouldn’t be an issue regarding the compliment. It would just be a new expression. Unfortunately, calling someone an egg in NZ is already an old fashioned way of saying they’re an idiot. Still, I'd rather be an egg than a dick.

I think I could get a lot out of my freaky dream if I applied the Jungian dream analysis process to it. Could be quite fun, inspire more drawing and writing. Have a lovely day, and may your balls or eggs be radiant!

http://dreams.insomnium.co.uk/dream-theory/jung-dream-analysis/

 

oh, this also makes me think of the David Bowie episode of Flight of the Conchords! "Tell me about your freaky dream Brett ...".