A quick one. No, not that you dirty old!

Allowing the light of the gods to fall upon me

I do believe the Ritalin is finally kicking in! I feel pretty good, but I don't think meds alone are the answer. As I said last time, meditation, walking, stroking the cat, talking to a friend, doing some EFT (David Childerly) and noticing the good all play a massive part in creating contentment.

 Caught up with the Painter yesterday, he's good company and we had a few interesting discussions about the nature of suffering, depression, happiness and contentment. I stumbled upon one of my old diaries today and flicked it open, finding this poem I'd written on the 21st December 2008. It appears I'd just had a fight with mum and was processing that ... anyway, it hit a chord for me today.

Forgive
I forgive I forgive I forgive
I forgive myself I forgive mum
I forgive
the world

I forgive advertising, I forgive fashion
I forgive manicurists
I forgive tiredness
I forgive Television, I forgive sand in the pie
I forgive it All and I am overflowing with compassion
I am the centre of Pure Love
I am ripening peaches and strawberries

I am looking for the pathway
because where does love go here?
Where does love go?

This is such a made up world, it's so fucking constructed and invented and
 it changes so that you can't keep up with all the illusions
your ego won't let you anyway

  It's nature is to never be full, to
grind like a horny dog on a stranger's leg

howl now dear sweet dog
you are just fine
there is
nothing
wrong

You are allowed to Be and part
of Me
of my Ego and of the dream

I am just this point in a sea of pin pricks
your con
science

you'll feel
guilty for not doing it
and guilty for doing it
you'll feel guilty for anything
everything
something
nothing
because you are inventing sin
for yourself
and that's understandable
                                         so forgive it
forgive
the whole thing


CNL 2008