Music, Ritalin, A German Movie with the Blue Eyed Israeli.

26^th May 2012

 Saturday

Last night I went to BFM’s (Auckland student radio) Fancy New Band Showcase at the King’s Arms with Handsome Rob and The Painter. Matita also turned up, and I saw BFM stalwarts Ren and Phil (AKA The Spunks),  which is always a bit like bumping into rarely seen relatives you actually like.

The Raw Nerves were on first, setting a good tone with some energetic rockabilly.  Autumn Splendour  ushered in pop with an edge and

Tom Lark  were just gorgeous, uplifting and sort of brit-poppy. I’ve already posted the song ‘All night long’ on a previous blog entry, so don’t be shy about looking it up.

I was deeply delighted with The Boxcar Rattle, it was enough to make me wish I still had my steel capped shoes (the 90’s!) for a little bit of a mosh, only I’d probably have ended up badly hurt.  Those kids were really pushing each other around. Looked fun though.  Loui the Zoo weren’t my usual bag, but I did enjoy the contrast between the high pitched pretty guitar boy and the more English-rap inspired lead singer. Good showmanship, very energetic and … happy.

Monday 28^th May 2012

Ritalin update:

Okay, so my dose is very low. I find that if I take it at 7am or so, it lasts till around 12. The effect is one of clarity and calm, though the initial side effects have been some headaches and tingling lips.  

Last week Andrew said he noticed that I moved faster. Isn’t that amazing, that by increasing dopamine, my mind calms down and I’m able to move more efficiently? The temptation is to take more than one in a day, but I’m going to stick to the prescription and then talk to Dr Hanne about it.

On Saturday I helped mum with a few things around her flat. Little could be accomplished as her need to oversee the minutiae pervades everything. Kept my mouth shut for much of it (which was a challenge).

“I know that I’m not making this easy” she said.

She had a panic attack when I offered to put some things of Nanna’s in a bag for the op shop.  It was old track suit pants and a few tops. She couldn’t do it. She was shaking. We finished up one small project and then went for a walk. We had a really long hug. 

I went and met the Blue Eyed Israeli who grew up in Georgia, near Russia. He looked good, more handsome than I remembered. He gestured to the movie descriptions at the Rialto Cinema and said

“You choose which one”.

“What do you recommend?”

“Oh no no no, you choose, just maybe something with no subtitles because that’s hard for me.”

“Ohhh kay  …. what about …. this …?”

“Oh, I have seen that one. It was very good.”

“Ohh kay, what about this?”

“I have seen that too … I come here every weekend, it is what I do on day off. Script writing , it is what I do.”

“Well then wouldn’t it be easier if you tell me which ones you haven’t seen?”

“Oh no no no, you choose.”

Sigh. I kept choosing. He kept saying he’d seen it. He was getting worried because time was a-tickin’. He stood too close to me and I tried not to mind.

In the end I ‘chose’ a German movie by default (I think there may only have been two options in the end) called ‘Happy Happy’. It was excellent. I was really drawn into the characters; I cared for them all, even the one who was surly and unkind. I found the whole thing beautiful, it was like having a good novel come to life. I heard a gentle snoring. I looked over and my date was asleep. We were only 20 minutes into the movie.

The excellent movie I watched as the man from Georgia slept.

He apologised for falling asleep after wards, explaining that he’d been working that day and was very tired. Oh yes, that’s fine I said. I didn’t really care. He grabbed for my hand as we left the movie. I felt nothing.  I wanted to twist away like a cat being made to have a cuddle.

After the movie we went and had a drink. I sort of wanted to slip away and go and see Tono and the Finance Company with Rachalle, but she’d only told me about it earlier in the day, and I felt I should give Mr Georgia a chance.  He told me about growing up in Georgia, then how it felt to go to Israel, that it was shocking and so different culturally.

He kept feeding me chips; forced romantic intimacy in Newmarket. I didn’t mind the first chip, but then it felt weird. I don’t find hot chips erotic.

 ‘No thank you’ I said as he tried to force the third chip into my mouth. He persisted and I had to actually intercept the chip with my hand in case he pushed it right in. “Go on,” he said, as if he were feeding me a strawberry.

“I’m not actually hungry”.

At one point I felt like we were connecting, that he was actually quite interesting. I allowed myself to notice his nice body, the blue-ness of his eyes, how well shaped his hands were. He engaged my mind further, and my body began to follow. Yes, I thought, I’ll kiss him.

He walked me to my car and then made the lunge. I never mean to be too harsh in my judgements of a first kiss with someone, but this was not a good kiss. I could feel his top teeth through his upper lip. I tried to soften, soften, to show him how to do it, but he didn’t get it. He groped my left breast and I pushed his hand away.

He asked in urgent tones if he could see me again (three times), and in that moment, after kissing, I felt saying no would have been a bit mean.

As I drove away I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and wished I had some water. I kept wiping my mouth and thought ‘what the hell am I talking about? I don’t want to see him again.’ Today I’ll text him and let him know that I don’t see it being a romantic connection (that’s a good phrase when you’re on internet dating too).

The best thing is that it’s completely reminded me to go to the Rialto Cinema again.

On Sunday Handsome Rob and I went to his property out near Matakana and picked up a bed base for me to use. I have now come up in the world.

We had a good little day trip, he shouted me a lovely lunch in this place that sold pottery. I’m not into pottery (mum might have liked it) but it was a lovely café.

Rob’s land (complete with little caravans!) felt really peaceful and sacred. Amazing views out to sea and over the land, it felt like there was someone else with us, a presence. I said that to Rob and he laughed and said it was the trees.