Stars, The Handsome Englishman ... and Bikram Choudhry looks like a little pimp!

So I've decided I need to know more about stars. Not astrology darlings, but actual astronomy. The facts of it are far too poetic anyway. Sometimes you'll look up and clumsily try to remember what the hell is going on out there, so I'll try to provide some fun reminders:

"Since light travels at a finite speed, distant objects are seen as they existed in the past. We see the Sun not as it is now, but how it was eight minutes ago. (The Sun is eight light minutes away from the Earth). We see the nearby stars as they were several years ago. We see Andromeda, the nearest spiral galaxy as it was roughly 2.5 million years ago. Thus, the most distant objects that we see are the oldest objects that we can directly detect."
http://map.gsfc.nasa.gov/universe/rel_firstobjs.html

January 16th 2012:

Speaking of stars, one of the highlights in the last week would include another date with the handsome Englishman. We went to a comedy evening which we both enjoyed, though some of the humour relied on levels of crass that shocked even me.

Don't get me wrong, jokes that rely on sex or shit don't worry me in the least, but poking fun at the expense of Para-Olympians or the intellectually disabled seemed a bit desperate.

Although I feel rather besotted with the Handsome Englishman already, I'm continuing to talk with other men on the site. I've learned my lesson when it comes to putting all my eggs in one basket, though that hasn't been a problem on most other occasions in my life.

The men I've usually started to 'see' are only too happy to take my eggs, basket and anything else that comes with it! Becky said that emotionally unavailable people are always going to attract emotionally unavailable people. Maybe I need to trust that inner compass. I'm emotionally available, so someone who isn't won't stick around for long.

I imagine I've got some kind of Love Magnet in me, and it's going to repel someone who doesn't feel lovable or worthwhile. I can see it happened with The Painter, and even with Rose most recently. The person who can handle being well-loved will enjoy being with me. This can be said of all relationships, not just romance. Obviously we end up blaming ourselves instead of thanking our true inner magnet for attracting or repelling the situations that unfold. We are always creating our own world, giving things the meaning we choose to.


The Golden Rule, and Imagine if Someone Wanted You to Shit in their Mouth .... something that has never happened to me, thanks be to Jesus.

The Golden Rule states that we treat others as we wish to be treated ... but sometimes that's not true is it? Some folk need you to be aloof so that they can work hard to 'deserve' love. Some folk wanna be pissed on or whipped. It takes all sorts.

So what if you end up with someone who wants you to shit on them? If you agreed, what does that say about you? We could be talking about literal or metaphorical shit, but thinking literally is funnier. Imagine it.
"Darling, I feel we've reached a point in our relationship where I can finally tell you my greatest fantasy."
"Oh cool, what is it?"
"Well, you'd position your arse above my eager mouth and shit directly into it while I masturbate".
"Oh.I was kind of hoping I could just wear the nurses outfit and have you tie me up."

If you feel happy and excited about shitting into someone's mouth, then wow, it's a match made in Heaven. If you didn't feel too good about it but did it anyway, then you'd be diverting from your values and debasing yourself. You'd probably come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work, no matter how much you loved them. Every sexual adventure would now be shit-tinged, the eyes of the beloved trained hungrily on your arsehole.

Gosh, that was a bit of a diversion, but it segues nicely into the next topic ...

Bikram, The Man.

Birkram Choudhry walks onstage. He is little, but stands a few cm higher thanks to the curious choice in footwear. They appear to be women's court shoes, the material shiny silver, almost holographic, complete with a stiff bow. They look like the sort of shoes a wealthy old Korean lady might wear.

In addition to the amazing choice in shoes is the over sized black, shiny suit complete with a red satin handkerchief in the top pocket. He is balding and yet still keeps his thin, frizzy, hair long, sort of like Michael Bolton used to do.

His shirt is also black, shiny and embossed with some kind of pattern. Possibly paisley. The tie is astonishing; also black, but encrusted with diamantes in a pattern the shape of a diamond. He's a tiny Magpie Pimp, and goes on to talk for far too long about himself and all that he's accomplished. He talks himself up at every turn, and although much of what he says is valuable, it's the stuff I already know. Does the man not realise that we're already sold? That if we're here, we're not here to find out if Bikram Yoga is any good, we're here because we're interested in the philosophy and spirituality behind it. We already know it's a good practice, but to hear Bikram blather on you'd think we were arguing with him about it's validity.

There is no argument. It's great yoga. You feel fantastic when you've completed a class. What's interesting is that Bikram himself is quite abrasive, crass, funny, pathetic, boring, amusing and arrogant. I should have saved my $75, only it is good to know it's contributed to the re-building of the Bikram centre in Christchurch (something he will of course benefit from).

He loves to name drop. Shirely Maclaine, actors from the past that we don't care about or even remember, President Nixon, both Bushes (and a joke about pubic hair that he thought was really funny), some actresses who supposedly killed themselves because he wouldn't fuck them. Really. I'm sure there might have been other reasons why you'd kill yourself, rejection from an arrogant little Yogi wouldn't be reason alone.

It's a classic case of Rock Star Genius. You know the ones. Some man or woman with talent ends up going a bit nutty with power and ego. The amount of self-praise and outlandish claims are just boring after awhile. I don't need to be convinced that this yoga is good, yet he would say (far too often)
"I don't have to prove anything! If you believe me good. If you don't, eat shit and die!"
Yes, that was his particular brand of charm. He swore, he boasted of how he'd fucked one woman and given her 42 orgasms, imitating the broken walk of this lucky lady after he'd done with her. He just seemed a bit of a dick really.

Despite all this he insisted that we hurt no-one, live well, care for our bodies and our souls. I liked how he pointed out that Jesus was a Yogi, and that as such, he had total control over his body and mind. This means Jesus didn't actually suffer when he died, as he had mastered the ability to shut down the organs in the body through meditation. This made it appear as though he'd died, but of course he hadn't. I think that's entirely plausible, and I enjoyed thinking of how different people wrote that Jesus suffered when in fact there was no suffering. He overcame death because he didn't die in the first place. Booya!

So yeah, the best thing about that talk was realising that even when someone looks like a little pimp, even when they talk about women in a way I find offensive, even when they wear a massive diamond watch that's the very last word in garish, they too have something valuable to contribute. Depsite his personality and obvious love of power and celebrity, Bikram has introduced a really effective Yoga practice that I enjoy. I just hope none of the instructors ask me what I thought of him.