Picture: continuing to show you the beautiful carcasses of Kare Kare.
Excellent life! On Friday Suzanne and I went to this unusual show at the Civic, something to do with Elephants in the title. We met up with Minnie and her friend Andrew, it was lovely to see Minnie looking so happy. We were late and so this nice old man sneaked us down the back passage (hee hee).
The show at the Civic:
(skip if reviews bore you)
We moved from room to room and aspects of technology and live performance were intertwined. I liked the pole dancing squid (amazing legs) and then this guy who talked about ghosts. The Ghost Guy had a black screen with a hole cut in it where a person with a sheet over their head in the style of a childish ghost appears. This ghost reads a long text about El Salvador and forests. It's boring, and I believe it was meant to be, as it sent me into this trance like state. While in this state, the guy applies white paint to parts of the screen with a roller, then goes back to project an image onto the painted parts of the screen. It shows us a body that can go with the ghost face, it's beautiful and the whole thing culminates in this incredible ghost dance with various ghost images and colours projected on the back wall. The music is relentless. It's a haunting. A relentless haunting; and I liked it.
I then caught up with a lovely friend for lunch in Kingsland yesterday, and in the evening Tieneke and I went to the hotpools, the run down 'Palm Springs' out at Parakai. Exactly what was needed, soothed my back beautifully. Got to get back into hot yoga, it was helping my neck and back immensely. And now to change the subject somewhat, but I think this might be useful. If I could save just one man from being unnecessarily unkind or dickish, it'll be worth it. I'm generous like that.
Advice For Single Men
If possible, be kind, have ideas about what to do or where to go, don't talk incessantly about the ex (and how great he/she was or what a bitch she was), and be honest as to whether you're wanting a casual encounter or might be open to more.
Be Kind:
One would think this is straight forward, but sometimes men (and women too of course) think it's smart or cool to be a little bit cruel. If you are in fact a little bit cruel, then by all means continue, but rest assured, it's obvious that you are deeply insecure and the facade will eventually fail you.
Just be kind. A woman (or man) worthy of loving will like it. A lot. If she doesn't, she's got stuff to work on, as we all do. What is kindness? You know, simple stuff like being really nice to her mum, or giving her a sincere compliment (this doesn't mean 'pwroawh, your tits look great in that you little minx').
Have Ideas: Are you the Man? I don't mean to be sexist here, but fuck, do I look like I have big old gonads in my pants? Actually don't answer that. Recently I had The Handsome Englishman continually expecting me to have all the ideas on where to go, what to do and then he asked if I could pick him up. Needless to say, if I did in fact have a dick, it would have shriveled up. So be bold, suggest coffee or an art gallery visit. I currently have a new Englishman on the 'oh goodie' list, and this one has ideas (and it doesn't hurt that he has great taste in music and books!).
Talking About The Ex Too Much:
I admit, I'm guilty of doing this. I only realised how fucking boring and annoying it was a few months ago when I had coffee with a man who told me in great detail about his ex and the gate. He and his ex wife were still living in the same house (selling it an issue or something). She has a new boyfriend, but he was a bit nervous about dating (and possibly explaining why he can't take you home, ha!). The story he told me was all about the gate, the rubbish bin, and the anger. This was our second date and I wanted to talk about Me.
I've probably talked too much about the weird and mentally disturbed aspects of past boyfriends ... and to clarify I do not mean Andrew. He's been a good one, fairly mentally stable actually.
But yeah, I've gone out with some pretty sad puppies before, and loved them very much. I don't want a sad puppy anymore. I'm ready for a happy man, or at least one attempting contentment.
Be Honest - but that doesn't mean Tactless!
If you're really wanting just sex, still be as kind as possible. Be charming, and if it's a one night stand, clarify that you're not looking for anything long term. Stay and hug awhile in the morning, she's not going to bite your dick off.
I don't like one night stands. They're just not satisfactory. I haven't had one in many years, the sex is usually low quality. Better off with Self Lovin'.
If you aren't good at oral, then sort it out. Women need the strength of Samson in the jaw in order to give good head, the least you can do is experiment with the movement of your tongue. Yes, it's ok to switch from fingers to tongue, we're not going to get all Nazi about it, but a boyfriend or lover who gets down on it with the greatest enthusiasm is a prize above all others! I've been very lucky in this department, possibly spoiled somewhat, but I understand that's not the case for all women.
There's a wee line between honesty and tact. I think it's clear, but evidently that's not so for everyone. I once knew a man who I thought I might have fallen in love with at first sight; we talked non-stop for nearly two hours. He appeared to have bared his soul to me. His girlfriend (whoops, surprise) arrived shortly afterwards. She was tall and willowy and looked like a fairy princess complete with strawberry blonde hair down to her small shapely buttocks. She had cancer.
A few weeks later at a party he told me they'd split up. Because he had a complete honestly policy with her, he told her on the drive back to his house that he had been wondering what I'd be like to fuck. For some reason this really upset her, and then he got annoyed with her because he was 'only being honest'. Shit man, the woman had cancer. She might not have felt strong enough to hear where you felt like sticking your dick that day, not if it wasn't in her. That folks, is the very definition of tactless.
You'll be glad to know I never did sleep with the man who was so cruel to his cancerous girlfriend. He didn't know he was tactless, that's what was incredible.
So yep, if you're going to do Internet Dating men, here are my top tips:
1) Do have a reasonable photo in which you are properly attired. Tieneke suggests no striped shirts, that they're done and dusted, making you look like an office worker from the early 90's going for after work drinks. I'm not so strict, I could forgive a striped shirt, but plain colours are preferable.
2) Photo Pose: do not stand to the side trying to show you don't have a fat gut. It looks vain and pathetic. Likewise, photos where you are lying back on a bed or pillow look dodgy. Pics without shirt, well, if you're hot and are looking only for sex then that's fine, I know to avoid you.
3) Lies: If you lie about your obesity, age or pretend to be more interesting than you are, a woman will detect this in about two seconds. Maybe less. Don't lie. Embroider the truth if you must (I've just started at the gym is a popular lie amongst the obese).
4) Point of Difference: Sporty? There are way too many sporty men on the dating site. They kite surf, do triathalons, run millions of kms a day, go cycling, surf, have wankathons and more! Stand out. If you can spell, like art and have a reasonable knowledge of music, then you're already leading in the point of difference stakes.
5) Your Nickname: There's a guy who calls himself CuteyCub. Makes you feel ill? Yes, me too. He's a goodlooking guy, but in one second he's shown himself to be a dorky vain dickhead who possibly wants to be coddled. You don't have to call yourself anything earth-shattering, but perhaps avoid things like Want2eatU (that's also a real one).
That darlings, is more than enough information for one day. Judge not lest ye be judged so it goes ... but gee it's hard not to judge.
Today: off to Matakana for a music festival, but first meeting up with Old Persistant Man for coffee! Oh the fun!
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