I had a Successful Date. In fact, I've now had two. I also can't say much more because he's reading this. Yep, for some reason I gave him my blog address before I even met him. I blame his excellent humour and writing skills for this decision.
I can't say much obviously, I imagine there must be some line I'd be crossing to say too many nice things about him after two dates.
I can say this though ... when we met I thought "that can't be him, he's far too cute", and instead of keeping that in my head it was the first thing I said to him. Yes, I'm very cool like that. Ooh, and he's tall, has good taste in music (wider knowledge than me in the BFM stakes). Best of all is that he's really playful as well as having a very well exercised brain.
Instead of going on about that, I'll tell you something else I'm up to. It's not very thrilling, but I've decided it's necessary. I'm going to do 28 days of Forgiveness. Yes, yes, I know, it's all very christian sounding isn't it?
Fact is, I saw The Ex Friend, (we'll call her Fish), on a television advertisement the other week. Or if it wasn't her, then someone who looks just like her. The odd thing was that her thin dark blonde hair appeared to have been curled and dyed a reddish shade. Most disturbing. For the sake of this story I'll be called Acorn.
If you cut to the past, around eight years ago, you'd look into a bar window at the top of Mt Eden Rd and see two female friends drinking white wine and looking like they're having fun. But it wasn't a great deal of fun at all. After fifteen years of friendship things had changed a great deal, or at least they had for Fish.
Fish was getting it all, and had grown up accustomed to having it all. There were times she'd been really uncomfortable being friends with Acorn, wondered if Acorn resented her wealthy background and paid for education. But Acorn hadn't thought much about it, had actually always been happy for her well-off friends. It was the ungrateful wealthy she resented.
Fish sighed. In addition to her poorer background and low wage, Acorn was recovering from a fantastic little breakdown. She was a bit older than Fish, by about four years, yet Fish felt like Acorn was never going to grow up. But Fish was growing up. A lot.
She'd met the man of her dreams, handsome, rich, already a home owner. She was terrified of losing him to someone better looking. She admitted to Acorn that she sometimes spent hours examining old photos of his model like ex girlfriends and work herself into a jealous rage. Acorn didn't understand that and always reassured Fish that she was enough.
"But Acorn, you should see who he went out with before me! She looks like a movie star."
"Yeah, well, guess he didn't want to be with her. Looks like you're his type to me. Just accept it."
And it was true. The man Fish fell for was also besotted with her. When it was her birthday he bought her a massive bouquet of flowers and took her out to dinner. She was angry and he asked if anything was wrong.
"Oh, nothing, but, I guess I was expecting a present."
The following day he presented her with a little emerald necklace.
She said she felt terrible for not feeling like the flowers and dinner were enough, but really, she wanted some kind of tangible sign that that this was It. Yes. It with a capital I.
She was always such a fun, intelligent and outgoing person to be with that Acorn always forgave the strange or mean things that Fish would do. Incredible tantrums at times, over trivial things.
We could go into the details. Like the time Fish thought Acorn's boyfriend was flirting with her, and when Acorn didn't get angry or worried about it, Fish swore at her and then starting hitting her. Strange slappy girly arm hitting. Really fucking weird.
Acorn warned her
"I'm going to have to punch you if you don't stop that now!"
Fish didn't stop. She called her a fucking bitch, so Acorn punched her in the face. Fortunately someone pulled Fish out of the way at the last moment and the big silver ring Acorn wore only left a graze down her face instead of taking out her eye. Yeah, they forgave each other that. You'd think a friendship would survive anything after that wouldn't you?
But it couldn't survive the weight of Status anxiety. Fish eyed Acorn across the table. She felt like it just wasn't working anymore. She and the Man had so much money, played tennis in the weekends and would eventually be getting married in Greece. Acorn couldn't afford an expensive door charge for a new year's eve party let alone Greece. It was just a bit sad and awkward really. It had been a grand friendship, but the break down combined with the lack of moolah was grim.
Then Acorn said something that pulled the weight of Fish's shoulders.
"Do you think that we should catch up more when I make more money?"
Oh thank god she'd suggested it. Fish had been thinking it for awhile now.
"Yes," she said, nodding, "that's a really good idea".
Acorn felt a little numb inside. She didn't even know she was going to say that, but it was the perfect way to find out where the friendship stood. Or didn't stand. Had she been that fucking blind?
It's so sad, but all the signs were there. Fish's humour had changed. She took things like wearing a tennis skirt seriously. Seriously.
Acorn kept trying a little longer. She did her best to appeal to the Fish she's always known, the one who was funny, filthy, crazy (in a good way!). But that girl seemed to be gone. It was over.
Yes folks, it was over and I was a bitter little Acorn. Grrr. She did get married in Greece, has gone on to have the life she wanted, but I have found it difficult to ever be happy for her, to ever wish her a day of joy. There were times I thought it would be great if she was horribly disfigured in a car crash and that her hubby would end up having an affair. But that kind of thinking is obviously ridiculous poison, and it's only me who'd end up ill.
So that's why I'm doing 28 days of forgiveness. It's day four. I've done some work on it, and next time I'll tell you the kind of things I'm doing to let go of this shard of resentment. Yes, a shard that probably looks like the one out of the Dark Crystal. God I love that movie.
Shit, I'm going to be late for my doctor's appointment. Gotta go.
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