June 2nd
2012
Ritalin and Doing What Works!
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| She gazed into the distance and considered buying more ineffectual solar lights for the stairway. |
The ‘crash’ is something that happens anyway,
but usually I can’t predict when it will occur. It’s not a misery crash, it’s
just exhaustion. Without Ritalin I think
what usually happens is that I can be quite go-go-go, then I might have a day
where I want to do nothing but sleep, but I can’t predict when I’ll feel like
that. Now I notice that I want to sleep as soon as I’ve had lunch, preferably
for an hour or more. I am then sluggish until around five or six pm.
I do get really thirsty and there have been
headaches (these are expected side effects).
Orgasms are different
too; instead of building up to one massive explosion, I tend to go for a series
of smaller ones that are still satisfying. That’s quite different from my
experience on an antidepressant called aropax
(paroxetine).
I took
aropax to assist in healing from a major depression when I was around 33. I’d
done all I could think of, but I was still crying every day, even after a month.
I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t even drink coffee. I lived on
green tea and toast. People told me I looked great. I collapsed in the shower
dry retching with grief, only I had nothing to bring up. Why am I revealing so
much? Why not? It might help you, or it might help you understand someone you
love.
The side effects of aropax were awful for
the first three weeks (continual migraine).
The most frustrating side effect was the difficulty in achieving
orgasm. I could still get there, but it
was bloody hard work. I stopped crying after two days though; there was a
relief from the pain, and that made it worth it. Aropax was very difficult to
stop taking; I had to do it really gradually. One of the first things you’ll
notice if you’re reducing your aropax is that your orgasms get stronger again,
and yes, you do feel a little more vulnerable, but you also feel happiness in a
greater capacity.
Why go on
about orgasms? Coming provides stress relief, it’s free, close to hand, and
very life affirming. How wonderful that we can all play with ourselves. I’m
really grateful for that.
Anyway, back
to Ritalin …
I can make a
mistake and not feel the same level of anxiety and guilt. Like, I’m always late
and feel really bad about it. The only way to avoid lateness is to lie to
myself about what time I have to be somewhere, and if I can combine that
helpful lie with routine, all the better.
I am rarely late for work now, but when I was
five minutes late the other day, I didn’t sweat it. I said “Sorry I’m a bit
late”, but I didn’t think “oh my god,
people are going to think I don’t care about them, they’re going to think I’m
egotistical and slack, they’re going to think I just swan around not caring …”
The admin
woman said “and don’t be late tomorrow” as I left. I just smiled and said I’d
try not to be, but I didn’t feel alarmed or the need to over-explain. The fact
is, road works are creating delays on Rosebank Rd, something I would normally
have told her as soon as I got in the door.
I’ve left a
message for the doctor, but haven’t heard back yet. A friend on Facebum let me
know that Ritalin is ‘slow release’, so
it might take a little while to truly assimilate it and see good results.
Of course I
wish I could take two a day, but that will be something the doc will consider
as he tracks my progress.
Do What Works
I was very
melancholy over the last two days, so yesterday I decided to do a ‘feel good
saturation’. I looked up some excellent
EFT (Emotional freedom Techniques) on Youtube. I particularly like David Childerly. EFT is known as
‘tapping’, and as you tap acupressure points you’re able to bring yourself into
a better state of mind and body.
So I watched
about four different youtube clips that got me into a relaxed state of mind. I
did my dishes. I had marmite on toast (thanks to mum who had a jar for me!). I
played some online scrabble until I noticed how tense my shoulders were. I thought about how I really am helping the
women I’m teaching, that there is a lot of love shared in that classroom.
Eliza called
and we had a good catch up, and then I pottered around before listening to an
excellent hypnosis CD (not a porn one, but it would be great to find a tasteful
soft porn hypnosis CD for women wouldn’t it?).
I did a
little search, but I think most of that sort of thing is aimed at men.
There’s one
where a woman gets the male listener to with hold from having an orgasm for 12
days in a row (chastity and cock tease or some such thing). I looked at her
website. She addresses the reader as ‘Treasure’ (unfortunately it makes one
think of the nappy brand). If that’s your thing, then have a look at Kasha Shakti. She’s into being
worshipped and requires your sexual energy as payment. Sounds a bit spooky!
Notes of
importance:
Julie lived! They removed as much of her
brain tumour as possible on Thursday. Now waiting to find out what quality of
life she’s going to have. I really hope she’ll have a bit of dignity restored
and be able to remember things from one
moment to the next.
Remembering Aunty Sandy
It’s been 10
years ( June 1st) since my Aunty died of cancer; she was only 50
years old. She was a really complex woman; bold, loving, angry, passionate,
fearful, wonderful, kind, funny, and sometimes scary. It hit my mum really hard. So here’s to you
Aunty Sandy; keep watching over your children, and if you could see your way
clear to giving your sister Heather a hand, that would be much appreciated.
I’ll also take this chance to say that smoking really did play a big part in
her death. She loved it though, even when she was told by a doctor at the age
of 40 she had the beginning stages of emphysema. She had that husky smoker’s voice, long black
hair, wicked brown eyes.
Mum thought
it was cool that we found out Julie would live the day before it was Aunty
Sandy’s 10 year departure date.
Departure. The dear departed. The ascended.
Have a gorgeous day, and if you can’t have a
gorgeous day, then have a cry and know that you are not alone. We're only here to love. Do your best.
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