Saturday 16th June 2012
There isn't much I can really say in this exact moment. I feel weird. I know things are getting better. I know I can reach for that thought that comforts, that I can find a frequency that's better for me. It does work. I know it does, but sometimes one simply has to admit that it's okay to have the blues, to feel it.
Had a really good day talking with a friend about EVERYTHING. Sex, love, depression, neurotransmitters, clothes, haircuts. Drank coffee on the deck wrapped in blankies. Ate some food. Drank more coffee. Talked non stop. Drank wine. Very nice.
I am missing sex a LOT right now. I thought I was doing okay, but of course it's not just sex is it? I miss that feeling of just lying there and being held, of laughing when you cross some line together, of pushing someone a little further emotionally, mentally, sexually and spiritually and having them do the same to you. I am looking forward to being with someone who can accept love, who isn't afraid of it.
I considered going back on internet dating today, but something in me sinks when I think of it. Pouring over uber masculine snapshots of men who all look like they vote for National and like to do triathlons. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I've just realised I've been mispronouncing triathlons my entire life. I've been saying tri ath a lons.
Okay, so I just took a look at the men on the net dating site ... bear with me ... there's a guy with a pirate hat ... and that might be enough to go back on. For now I'll get ready for Rachalle's birthday soiree!
There isn't much I can really say in this exact moment. I feel weird. I know things are getting better. I know I can reach for that thought that comforts, that I can find a frequency that's better for me. It does work. I know it does, but sometimes one simply has to admit that it's okay to have the blues, to feel it.
Had a really good day talking with a friend about EVERYTHING. Sex, love, depression, neurotransmitters, clothes, haircuts. Drank coffee on the deck wrapped in blankies. Ate some food. Drank more coffee. Talked non stop. Drank wine. Very nice.
I am missing sex a LOT right now. I thought I was doing okay, but of course it's not just sex is it? I miss that feeling of just lying there and being held, of laughing when you cross some line together, of pushing someone a little further emotionally, mentally, sexually and spiritually and having them do the same to you. I am looking forward to being with someone who can accept love, who isn't afraid of it.
I considered going back on internet dating today, but something in me sinks when I think of it. Pouring over uber masculine snapshots of men who all look like they vote for National and like to do triathlons. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I've just realised I've been mispronouncing triathlons my entire life. I've been saying tri ath a lons.
I feel a bit better just writing this down. I do feel odd about no longer seeing The Sexy Ex, even though I know it's healthy. He's been one of my best friends for six years, and when I was in Korea his love really kept me going. He supported me emotionally through a few other disastrous love affairs, and he has always assured me that no matter what happens we will always have a love that lasts beyond the grave.
Okay, so I just took a look at the men on the net dating site ... bear with me ... there's a guy with a pirate hat ... and that might be enough to go back on. For now I'll get ready for Rachalle's birthday soiree!
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