My New Dating Attitude
In order to date the way Americans seem to be able to, I have to change my mindset quite dramatically.I was instant messaging with American Dan (he was even in a Fraternity) last week and trying to explain how dating culture is still fairly new to New Zealand. Without Internet Dating it might never have happened at all. He was truly incredulous.
In NZ we seem to have tunnel vision when it comes to romance. I've met people who are a little mystified as to how they ended up with whoever they're seeing or married to. A sort of 'oh he'll do' or 'she'll do' attitude sometimes seemed to be the problem . Well fuck that in the arse, I'd rather be alone.
The whole idea taking one’s time in choosing still feels new to me, but I’m warming to the idea. We are all completely within our rights to date others until otherwise agreed, but a modicum of tact seems necessary.
What I’m going to do on future dating adventures is see less of the person, make sure I’m still going out and meeting others (dates or otherwise) so that there really is time to find out who I’m with. God, I really get carried away sometimes.
Just keep chilling out like a baby trout, there’s no hurry, no need for drama. Catch up for coffee? Sure. Meet in the park for a picnic? Lovely. Hang out two weekends in a row? I don't think so.
The problem with getting too attached too quickly is that it’s possible to end up making someone else responsible for what I’m feeling. That’s just not what I’m here for. That’s not my place on Earth. I’m here to create more love, forgiveness and passion, with or without a literal lover.
Pictures: Alice's birthday. Alice in the long scarf, my friend Mike to my left.
It’s been a wonderful weekend, very restful for the most part. I did go to Bikram Yoga with Tieneke on Saturday for the first time. It was truly amazing to see how much sweat pooled off some people. There was a woman in front of me who looked sort of dessicated, her ribs protruding, her face pinched and strained. I managed the class ok, but was truly exhausted at the end of it.
On Sunday Andrew and I met up for brunch at Shaky Isles in Kinglsand. The mochachino was amazing, but the food was really average.
I did enjoy reading about a man and his job in the Canvas section of the paper. He was an old dude who worked in a tannery. He said things like “I’ve tanned more than a million hides. That’s quite a lot”. He wore shorts “even in the Winter, but I’m getting a bit old for that now”, and he liked nothing better than going to the club on a Thursday and “losing a lot of money” at the pokies. I could almost hear his voice.
After brunch, we walked the pipeline (just out of Titirangi) to the little bridge to nowhere, lay down and ate strawberries and pineapple, and I almost fell asleep in the sun.
It was a good walk, and when I got home I needed a wee nap. Awoke refreshed and then went to see Alice for her birthday drinkies in Grey Lynn. A lot of the old crew were there, some of which I hadn’t seen since returning to NZ. Lovely to see people, but also really great talking to a few women I hadn’t met before, really gorgeous, fun, sexy women like the blonde Leo and vibrant Michelle.
And so another week begins. I work this avo, but tomorrow I’m going to Bikram in the morning, then off to see mum. Wednesday is my birthday, ooh goodie, I love any excuse to celebrate. And yes, it’s good to be alive.
Mum told me about Wombat this week. Very sad. Wombat is an old friend of my Uncle’s (Navy) who committed suicide a few days ago. 48 years old, two kids, a long term partner. No one knew he was depressed.
I guess that’s why I’m so open. Perhaps I should guard myself more, keep everything private? Nah, fuck that. If any of my ramblings is ever useful to anyone, if it could help anyone feel less alone, then it’s worth it.
Work it out, have gratitude, and then sustain it. I am so grateful to be here. It’s not the easiest gig in the Universe, but it’s the gig I’ve got. Let’s play!
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