Picture: looking out my window in New Lynn.
Internet Dating ... when it's time to take a rest from it:
Helloooooo
well darlings, you know what I've realised? Using internet dating should only be done for as long as it's fun and 'frisky' (as E Hicks would say). When it becomes a bit of a bummer, and you feel sucky bannana, then it's time to get the hell out and focus on your creative or intellectual pursuits more!
Can you believe how much fucking energy goes into the want of romantic love? Well, I can, because I have been expending it. I do believe it's all good, that there is no waste of my energy in this regard. What I mean is, I know it's coming, it's like getting a job or finding a good flat. I've done the 'work' on myself. I'm sane, creative and full of looooooooooove!
I haven't done one painting since I've returned to NZ. I haven't made one clay doll's head, and I haven't been to any art gallery openings (why are they always on the days I can't make it?).
I reckon I just got a bit carried away with the net dating. I was cramming in 2 or 3 dates
some weeks, and sometimes you'd think 'no' as soon as you sat down, but still feel like you should spend an hour talking shit with that person. Or worse, I can't actually talk shit very well, so I'd feel the need to get way deep with someone I'd never want to see again.
Right now the sun is trying to shine through the clouds, clouds which are so puffy and low down that you feel hugged by the sky. That was one of the things I missed so much about NZ when I was in the big, far away skied Korea.
Last night I wrapped a blankie around me and sat in the deckchair on the front lawn (noisy with the cars, but ah well) and Tosca came out with me. We just hung out in the cool air. I looked up at the sky, could see the stars. Yesterday I was in bed all day recovering from a really delightful dose of food poisoning. Urgh, it was a both ends at once deal. I lamented the rare tuna and caramelised bannana as they forced their way out of me. That was the new FISH restaurant, formerly WHITE, the Hilton. God, it was good. Nice
waiter too, really naughty.
Picture: Dolly says hi to Buddha. Fun times.
I don't know if it was their food, or if I had an allergy to something in it. I suppose I should have rung and told them. I didn't start feeling better again till 9.30pm at night, so sick that even speaking was difficult.
I'd gone to FISH (terrible name, especially since the two main men in the restaurant were gay and you could imagine them saying 'ugghhhh, NO FISH!') with Feather, my dear work colleague and possible angel. It was her mum's birthday yesterday, so we honoured her with this lovely dinner since she left the earth a number of years ago. Feather showed me Maureen's picture and I was blown away by her beauty, one of those faces that are just so angelic. I know, I know, I'm going on about angels whenever I talk about Feather.
A lot of people would have gone to B street on K Rd last night, the bands playing as promoted by student radio in Auckland. As I sat in the chair wrapped in my blue woollen blankie looking up at the sky, I truly felt I didn't really want to be anywhere else.
Today I woke up feeling so rested, so purified (accidental fasting!), and have managed to get some washing done, changed the sheets, took photos of Tosca being cute. I looked at Amsbry's photos of Thailand on Facebook and commented on way too many of them.
Now that I don't have Findsomeone to take up too much of my creative energy, I guess I can start making doll heads and painting again! Wahooee, you know I love it.
So my dear sausages of love, today I plan on going to the run down Palm Springs hot pools out Helensville way with Brenda. I haven't hung out with Brenda before, but it should be lovely. If for any reason she can't make it, I'll go on my own and look up at the stars.
Right now, I think I need to buy clay to make some doll heads. Ooh goodie.
Be happy and safe, and if you can't be happy and safe, enjoy your misery!
xxxx
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