Yes well, I've had a lovely indulgent time feeling rejected by The French Intellectual, but this morning, as I put on my new cream woolly beret style hat , and snuggled into bed with coffee, I felt something in my heart shift. It's ok. It's only rejection!
It also helped to talk with Tenika (my flatmate) about it. When she found out that he was wearing a pinstripe shirt and a pink tie that evening (he'd come from work) she cried out
"NO! There's no excuse! And did you say he drank herbal tea?"
Yes dear friend, he did drink herbal tea. He wanted chamomile, but alas, Roasted Addiquition did not seem to have any and he made do with a fruity blend (is it caffeine free?). In his final email he said he was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed? I drank a mochachino, he had herbal tea, we talked for an hour and a half, and then he caught the train back to New Market. I didn't even take off my modest cream coat to reveal the short, form fitting dress with sequined trim. I had mercy!
"He's a wimp," pronounced Tenika, "a limp dick". I smiled. Yes, maybe she's right. What if in fact he had hoped I was a dominatrix type, and when he met me he was disappointed in my warmth and friendliness. Perhaps he'd hoped I would eye him disdainfully and pronounce him a worm not worth my time.
The thing is, I had really started to enjoy connecting with him on a regular basis and was going to miss his wit and imagination! I texted him yesterday:
"Shall we be friends? It concerns me that you may go through life without listening to Jeff Buckley!"
No reply. But the good thing is this: he has revived my enjoyment of writing! I feel a little more playful about it, and I also trust my subconscious is working well, ensuring I don't waste time falling deeply in love with a fucking twit. He had gifts for me - the gift of imagination, great writing and humour, but without balls ... well ...
Back to basics!
Every experience dating needs to be entered into in the spirit of play - and I just got too keen too quickly, falling for the idea of someone. In all reality, he knows why we're not a good match. Perhaps he thinks of his mum when he masturbates, or cries himself to sleep every night, and I've just been saved from a whole lot of super sized pain.
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Internet Dating I shall fear no Boredom, let alone Evil!
Today I am possibly meeting up with Sexy Older Man. Fortunately my shaking self esteem has left me feeling completely relaxed and open to meeting someone and not projecting all sorts of fantasies onto them.
SOM is 50 and looks like he could run up a mountain about ten times faster than me. He has those crinkling blue eyes that promise experience and humour. We shall see!
But yes, that's the whole point ... keep the positivity flowing and expect only to back yourself. From there, anything and everything can happen.
No comments:
Post a Comment