On Hold Soundtracks of Our Lives!

This seagull is running away from the WINZ soundtrack.

1st February 2013 ... 

 Something you can be sure of if you are put on hold to almost any government funded department in New Zealand is the sound track. Work and Income (WINZ) are particularly reliable when it comes to this topic. Perhaps they imagine that people having difficulty feeding themselves will be soothed by their fine and repetitive selection. Sort of fall into a hungry coma; tears of frustration rolling down the face.

This sea gull does not want to listen to Dave Dobbyn anymore.

Since I'm inbetween jobbies again (cross fingers for up coming contract), I did have the great pleasure of being put on hold to WINZ for more than 20 minutes recently. In fact, it happens any time you ring them, that's just how it is. I used to quite like it. I'd sing along, making a coffee, all up beat and refusing to be coma-fied.

"Well I'm WHALING, feel like JON-AH, back to my sweet bay-bees ARMS" I would sing along with Dave. I always disliked that song. Still do. I have to admit the bit I do enjoy and can't resist is:
 "SAVE ME SAVE ME! SAVE ME FROM MAH-SELF! I'M THE FIRST TO GET TRIG-GAH HAP-PY ..." and then I'd change the last part of the lyrics to "the first to play with my own self!"

On this occasion I think old Dave was belting out 'Loyal', which I used to find tolerable and now grates on my nerves. I hope these artists are being paid royalties for this carry on. Couldn't they play Dave's song 'Don't Hold Your Breath' instead? It's much more appropriate for being on a WINZ call. Quite a punchy little tune too ... check it out. Dave Dobbyn and the Stoned People. Ha ha.

Obviously I'm being silly and cynical about something trivial here. I know that. The New Zealand artists featured on a WINZ call are talented and have done quite well here and overseas, so they are probably a good example to us all. Usually I put the phone on speaker and get on with doing something else while I wait for a person to respond, but I wasn't using my own land line on this occassion and had to walk around with the phone clamped to my ear. Next up was Crowded House of course, and then Brooke Fraser. Shit. Two of her songs in a row. That's kind of hard to take.

She seems like she'd be a very nice person, obviously has a lovely voice, guitar know how and lips to fuel many fantasies, but she's not my cup of tea. It's really painful. She does this thing, I'm sure she never used to do, where she exaggerates a lisp in the country and western style. I think it's a calculated affectation that's supposed to be sexy, or shex-shee. Some artists can do it and get away with it, but just barely. Tori Amos sometimes does it, and I adore her, but even so she's really testing me with that bullshit.

What I imagine is that someone (probably a guy) told Brooke that when she said "thish" instead of "this" that it really sounded hot, and so she's run with it. I think Bic and/or Boh Runga do it too, and again, they're perfectly beautiful and talented, but just don't 'do it' for me musically. Not saying I could do better, cos I couldn't.

Brooke sings "your eyes are full of the future of ush" and I have to focus on not grinding my teeth. Oh my god. They play another one by her. Three in a row. When I think I can't take much more, they break out some vintage 'Dragon'. Unfortunately it's "April Sun in Cuba" which doesn't move me either. If it were 'are you old enough?" then I could at least ponder the grossness of the lyrics and smirk to myself. 
"You just happened to be standin there ... oh won't cha tell me ...won't cha tell me the tru-uth, are you old enuf?". Dirty old.

What kind of soundtrack would I create for WINZ? 
 "There is no Depression In NZ" by Blam Blam Blam, and "Conservative Guy" by The Eversons, anything by Home Brew, "Total Control" by The Motels and hey, I could cope with some Liam Finn, Lady Hawke, and of course "The Cigarette Duet" by Princess Chelsea. I'd be in a much better moo (!) by the time some harassed plebeian (employed though!) was able to put me through all the red tape. 

Having said that, I do appreciate the fact that we live in a cuntry that has a welfare system.  I just wish I could control the sound track.

Healing crystals covered in salt and left in the rain.