There are so many things I cannot tell you. Here is where I choose what to reveal, where I can create a self for you to share, but it isn't the entire picture.
What I can tell you is that last Friday I saw Simon (yes, the one I was always pining over when I was in Korea. Called him Wylie after the coyote), on Saturday I went to Golden Dawn with Otis (aquintance of old) and saw Bear cat and Petersburg play, and on Sunday ... I think I met a man for coffee (last weekend seems so long ago).
The Simon Resolution was so long overdue. For some reason I could never quite let go. I would try to, but I could never seem to get angry or feel horribly slighted by his neglect. I wanted to be annoyed. God knows friends were on my behalf.
It was time to see him again and figure out what it was that was still haunting me. He is of course, an entirely different kind of man than what I'd ever normally go for. He was so overtly masculine, so 'New Zealand' that he boarded on sounding Australian at times. It was biological, chemical, addictive.
Seeing him again, I tried to focus on anything annoying about him that I could, but really, I just felt comfortable with him. Felt like I knew him, that even after a year and a half it's as if we could have just picked up where we left off.
It wasn't tempting to be his beck and call girl again. I think I wanted him to front up, to say "yes, I am sorting out my shit, and when it's properly dealt with I can see you", but of course that did not happen.
When I went to see the hypnotherapist on Tuesday I focused on removing any blocks to creating a positive, loving and committed relationship. She used muscle testing as part of the process to find out what was going on subconsciously.
I explained how I had this unreasonable love for him. That even though his past behaviour had been unkind I couldn't seem to muster real annoyance about it. I didn't want to say unconditional love, but I knew that's what it was.
I told her how I thought I'd been Simon's mother in a past life, so she addressed this and found that I wasn't his mother, but that I have had four past lives with him, one of them as his wife. She didn't dwell on this with me. Didn't indulge me in wallowing in past life experiences, even though I would love to have known more.
She kept me on track for looking at what I do want, clearing out old connections that were draining me. It's as if the attachment has been cleared out at the deeper level, but like a corpse that still moves after a person has died, it makes it seem as though there's still a little bit of life left. I really liked her energy and am hoping that the work we did together will affect my feelings and choices in the weeks to come. If it's all good, then I will be recommending her, so watch this space!
I'm tired; a lot of mental energy expended at work this week and a slight change in hours. One of my students is so full on, always swearing, aggressive, something to prove. He's a man in his fifties, but he behaves like the arrogant 14 year old school boy who wants to make his friends laugh and try to break the teacher down. Think I dealt with it ok in the end, but it was pretty challenging.
Saturday at Golden Dawn was lovely, good to see Otis and have a drink in the darkly glamorous bar that was once Open Late Cafe. The best thing about Open Late Cafe was that it was open late. The coffees were distinctly average. Golden Dawn is a great bar and venue for bands, the staff are so friendly that at first you wonder if they might suddenly hug you or give you a kiss. I like that. A lot.
The bands bravely playing on a night dominated by rugby were BearCat and Petersburg.
Bearcat (see pic) were cutesy wootsy pie, fantastic live, but disapointingly the CD I bought for $15 was solely dedicated to pandas. Not one or two songs about pandas, but an entire album. I told someone (was it Otis?) and he pondered if perhaps the band are 'furries', getting off on dressing up as animals. Dunno about that, but they all wear little animal themed capes when they play. Not furry ones though.
Lots of animal themes in the live lineup too, perhaps they all work for Save Animals From Exploitation and wear shoes made out of rubber? I used to have a boyfriend who worked for S.A.F.E. He broke up with me because I wasn't spiritual enough, but if spiritual enough includes not killing the fleas in your mattress "because they only drink a little bit of blood" then I'm all for my strangely non-spiritual (but clean) ways. He was also the kind of guy who picked up other people's ciggie butts off the ground and smoked 'em. Yep, and I kissed that mouth.
The bearded male singer in Bearcat sounds like he's modelled his style on Gordon Gano (Violent Femmes) and the girls sound very very sweet. You can imagine them sitting around together
"Let's do an ENTIRE album about PANDAS!"
"Yes, that's a brilliant idea, we're so crazy and full of love!"
"God I love your beard, it makes me think of pandas"
"God I love your glossy hair, it makes me think of cats"
"Let's make love in our capes".
"Ok!"
Whatever the case, I would see them again live, I just wont' be replaying the panda album again any time soon. Pretty tunes though, no denying that.
Next up were Petersburg, a chirpy eight piece girl band all wearing overalls. I think the 90's are back! They were good, melodic, but just not really my cup of tea. I liked watching the girls dynamic though, as one of them was a good dancer and completely stole the limelight even when one of the other girls was singing the lead.
I wonder if they ended up fancying the same guys ..."Oh come and see my band play ..."
And then he comes and sees the band play and decides he fancies the girl with the trombone. I think it was a trombone.
"You girls are so cool the way you wear those jumpsuits"
"Oh, ha, well we didn't want to play up to the stereotypes associated with women in rock n roll"
"Yeah, yeah of course ..." he glances at the jumpsuit zip.
"I mean, not that we're really that rock n roll, more brass and stroll ... ha ha!"
Enough of my made up scenarios, it's time to ly down and sleep. Friday soothe me. Let the weekend weather shine.
Love to you all xxx
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